Thoughts filtered by the sepia-toned haze of reverie, impressions of golden rays of sunlight, the green of vegetation in the distance, an astral city in the foreground.
Empathic resonance filtrates consciousness as the sidhis natural to the fugue-like nature of the dream-state are employed without remark, subtle and clear impressions result in the following impressions:
I am currently at a school campus of some sort. It’s really a small, impossible city dedicated to spiritual practice. Impossible because it feels like home and yet I’ve never been there before. It feels like I’ve lived there for an eternity and yet this is my first remembered experience of my sojourn in this wondrous space and place.
I am not alone. To the contrary, there are many present. I do not see figures; instead, wavering, flickering columns of light indicate the presence of other souls. Similarly, the surroundings are also mere thoughtspressions of implicit materiality; the buildings are not fully expressed, they are only partially manifest, gaining full coherence in passing as thought and conscious awareness exists beyond mere perceptivity, encompassing the greater meaning implicit within higher dimensional experience, inevitably diminished, lessened, many of its natural nuances and subtleties lost in translation between there and here, between the super-conscious and the conscious mind, once returned to the normal, waking state.
There is great anticipation amongst the souls gathered. Today is the day. Today it will be announced who the Master has chosen. Or rather, who his extended perceptions have determined has reached a certain level of experiential resonance.
My allotment of consciousness within the greater collective is equally yoked to the expressions of our shared spiritual dedication, I am no different from the others, only one of a group, just another practitioner. When the announcement comes, it passes through us all like a wave, settling in me like a ball of golden light, the very essence of the energy that surrounds us, permeates our essences, gives individual form to our collective formlessness, differentiates what cannot, in essence, be differentiated. In this state of BEing, all communications are telepathic. Images, words enter us each directly and yet, quixotically, they pass through us all, resonating, reverberating simultaneous and complete understanding, spiraling outward and upward, inward and downward, instantaneously passing through the consciousness field of our excited anticipation.
“You are enlightened.”
I feel shock when I realize that he means me. And yet … resonance. I feel the surprise of the group. I feel their surprise turn to joy and congratulations. There is no animus, only good will and a total acceptance of the Master’s determination. There is also, now, a feeling in the greater collective of inevitability. As if my being chosen was now understood by all as a foregone conclusion. It is at this point that my consciousness splits and I become aware of the lucidity of the experience, of my dual perception between this astral realm and the material world and my ability to navigate the experience willfully. I become aware of the multi-dimensional aspects of the gathering, the space it is being held in and its participants, its visceral clarity and immediacy and the material and spiritual ramifications such a vision heralds.
I feel the shock of the announcement which completes the perceptive separation and deepens the emotional and psychic tenor of the event. And yet, immediately, I feel my connection to the collective diffusing yet tightening, as if a coil of darkness had cut me off from the group and was spiraling inwards into me, eviscerating my sense of clarity and choking off the implicit oneness of our interwoven experiential matrice of consciousness. I feel myself alone even though I am not. I feel myself growing smaller, my part of our golden collective grown colder, more silvery. I feel fear. I feel doubt. I do not feel enlightened.
“I do not feel enlightened.”
The words arise in the instance – I actually say them – and yet around me, nothing has changed. The collective remains, but my experience of it is now muted. I know they are there, but now, I am separate.
I am to go to the Temple. To the place where the Master resides. I walk through the city, slowly. It is a trip down one street, a right, then a small building on the left side of the new street. I am still separate. Still doubtful. Wondering if a mistake has been made. But how can that be? I am chosen. The Master has chosen me. He cannot be wrong. Can he? I enter.
The Master is sitting on a mat of some sort, elevated on a block of rock, or a table, some form/structure of indeterminate nature. From him exudes waves of pure potentiality, of peace, of calmness, of an utter and permeating consciousness beyond bound or knowing. He is the Master. He watches me as I fall to my knees, a beatific smile on his face. He is a small man, perhaps a bit portly, perhaps South Asian or something else ethnically melanated, his enveloping robe golden. Before him, I feel inadequate and I know he knows what I am thinking without me even saying a word. And yet, in my smallness, in my doubt, in my uncertainty, I say it.
“I do not feel enlightened.”
If anything, his aura intensifies. His smile grows wider, his eyes sparkle and beam with kindness and love. I am awash in the glow of his energetic cloak; it is as if I am stationary in the heart of the sun, golden energy streams and spirals of intention and potentiality permeate the sub-space of this astral realm. He nods slightly and makes a gesture with his right hand in my direction.
“You are (already) enlightened.”
It is at this point that my conscious mind realizes that there are multiple dimensions of conversation occurring simultaneously. I am aware of the Master’s statement, the mirror of his previous assertion. The others are still with us but in my perception they are distant, although they must have been privy to my doubts as certainly as I was capable of tapping into the collective myself and reading the thoughts and feelings of any of its participants.
Simultaneous to the Master’s statement and gesture my consciousness field separated from the astral form of my student identity. The movement was slow, turgid, mechanical, I felt it simultaneously in this world and in that one. The movement was one of an energetic form moving upward a very specific and measured distance and then turning at a mid-point, rotating around a fulcrum, the focus of my primary perception curving backward so that my “eyes”, which had been facing forward, would have then been facing upward and slightly to the rear. As my primary energetic form left the secondary astral form and the separate and tertiary awareness of my physical form in the material world increased, the scene around me disappeared.
The Master, the golden energetic emanations, the small building and room all dissipated and I found myself entering into a space that I have not been in since I was twelve years old. A space of utter formlessness, a void of total completeness and complexity and yet utter emptiness and simplicity. A place filled to overflowing with love and unity and vast, indescribably potentiality. The feeling filled my entire being and I lost myself in it, remembering it, enjoying it for what it was, experiencing the pure bliss of a return to a source, a place of utter familiarity and perfect peace. I basked in that space, reveling in the pure energy of the eternal and infinite Now, extending sensors of consciousness outwards, testing, tasting, experiencing, wondering, knowing that I could stay here forever.
Knowing that choice was possible was the key. Knowing that this space of love and unity and potentiality was eternally available was enough. I chose, after what seemed an interminable and yet must have been a relatively short period of time, to return to my body and waking consciousness in order to integrate the experience. With that decision, I felt my consciousness descending through what seemed to be a misty and densely-packed field of subtle emanations separating this higher space of potentiality from regular consciousness. A definite space of transition exists between the higher state and the normative state that lies in that space between waking and sleep, between alpha and theta brain wave production. I was then fully Awakened. I glanced at the clock and watched the time turn to 11:11. The date was March 22, 2012.
I sat up and looked around in the darkness of the room. I was filled with clarity. Emotional and mental patterns and blocks that had been manifesting themselves in more troubling and greater frequency in recent weeks appeared to have been washed away somehow. I went about my day, engaging in an energy session later that evening, during which, I was able to participate equally and engage in energy work at higher dimensional levels, visualizing and co-creating astral structures of immense complexity with like-minded souls. The next day came and went, as did the day to follow and the day after that. During all of these days, I experimented with my state of mind and emotions. My ability to observe my thought processes seemed enhanced, I was able to pinpoint patterns of behavior and habitual response mechanisms that I had previously been unable to separate from my stream of normative interactive engagement with other people and the world. What these tropes were now missing was the pre-requisite hypothalamic cellular bombardment of neuro-peptides leading to emotional engagement that had previously fueled their expression. Now, they were conscious choices and I was curious to note that I still engaged in some of them, just because it was expected of me and as an expression of my egocentric personality complex. I did not have to but I did, knowing that its expression was limited to choice and that it was possible for me to release the detritus of behaviors and thought processes that were no longer applicable.
3 days of experimentation and observation have led me to the understanding that this change was real and has resulted in an elevated sense of the moment, of a heightened perceptive ability which I am able to draw upon at will. I have come to the understanding that the movement of my astral form from the dream-form of the aspirant to the space somewhere between there and the material world was a specific type of maneuver that is indicative of accessing certain innate capacities of the human psyche and that anyone who can actuate this potentiality can indeed visit the same space that I hesitate to name and yet must be some form of Samadhi and experience of Nirvana. The release that has occurred afterward seems indicative of a form of moksha, or release from suffering, from anger and desire and the travails of samsara.
The cultural baggage attached to the term “enlightenment” is heavy and I fully recognize that many will doubt, question or demand proof. I am not attached to terminology and if it all only means that I have been able to experience a different state of understanding that the vision chose to express using the term “enlightenment”, that is fine. That does not concern me as the definitive state of where I am mentally and spiritually is an expression of this moment in my own personal evolution and so the term and its fulfillment are relative to my own state of development rather than some abstract understanding put forth by religious paradigms corrupted by centuries and millennia of fraud, deception and misdirection of the world’s populace.
I do not feel any different, really. Perhaps I am not. I feel like the same person, I just feel clear. I feel light. Emotionally unencumbered. Unburdened by thought if I so choose. As if each moment is new, each thought is new, each experience is new. I am not beholden to the past, to neural nets and synaptive connections that have lost their utility in my current formulation of self and identity. I know that I can choose those things at any moment. I can choose to take on old patterns. I can reprogram my mind to be the way it was. It has been 3 days. Perhaps it is only a temporary aberration in my consciousness field. Or, perhaps, it is a total life change. We will see.
I look forward to continuing the exploration of this space of experiential BEing-ness. I feel as if a transmission was uploaded into my biology and my genetic encoding changed, shifted, evolved. I feel the same, and yet, different.
A contradiction, I know. Yet another one in a weird life filled with them. My journey has wended its way across phantasmagorical plains and through illusory and meandering perceptive fields, high and austere heights, pulsating hills and warbling, resonating dales. The terrific mundanity of banality has been allayed by unexpected and undeniable flights beyond the fantastic, leaving my median norm far beyond what most deem “run of the mill” experience. But it is my life, my choices, my Experiential Cornucopia of Everlasting Delight wrought with dichotomous fancies and fallen foibles, terrible mistakes and fated inspirations, imperfect loves and perfect hates. I finally claim it, in all its high strangeness, without regret or apology. Whatever happens next will most certainly be interesting.
Postscript (3-28-12): An excellent video that explains what Enlightenment truly means, beyond the hype.
The Enlightenment Series
The Great Gathering
Practical Enlightenment: The aftermath of Kenshō
The End of Forever
Practical Enlightenment: Living in the World
Practical Enlightenment: Processing the emotions of other people
Practical Enlightenment: The vale of tears
Practical Enlightenment: Dealing with instant karma
True Awakening: The conservation of energy